Tag Archives: tweet

Top Tweets of 2013

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12/19 Never. Once. Not a never have I have slowed my roll to consider “I wonder if the fellas on #DuckDynasty will approve…”

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12/19 Hate to break it to ya, but the #DuckDynasty boys are probably not fond of the blacks either.

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12/17 “I need help before I smash this phone” Why does ANYONE THINK thats OK? /walk into SPCA “I need help before I smash this puppy”

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12/14 For someone that has a team of #elves, #Santa sure spends a fuck lot of time in #malls

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12/10 Know what an awesome start would be to end #racism? If EVERY black comedy act wasnt “Black people be like…” “White people are so…”

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12/7 #NoNoPro laser hair removal for women, then they demonstrate it on a blonde. Nice demo- how’s it do taking the hair off cancer patients

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11/20 “May I sit here?” “Wherever you’re comfortable” “Well I haven’t found there yet, so I’ll settle on here”

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11/15 I’m not asking you to do the right thing, I’m asking you to feel bad when you do the wrong thing.

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11/8 Pretty sure “eggs” at #Hotel #breakfast is an honorary title.

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10/24 I’m not allowed to #ejaculate at my table in restaurants- but they allow #children.. Must be the age of the sperm

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10/26 @ farmers market buying 4 baskets of tomatoes. “Making sauce?” “No, going to a speech” “Huh?” /sigh

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10/25 #pornname game entries: “Mike Vick” ‘cos I be puttin bitches down “Weeble” ‘cos I’ll wobble but I won’t go down

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10/15 #Women that love 50’s #style is kinda like #Jews that drive #German cars… (Lotsa spousal abuse..)

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10/11 “I don’t know the traffic laws in FatCuntlevania, but here- Red light means stop. Don’t honk at me” #travel #traffic

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10/10 Can’t we just set #NewJersey on #fire? I’m relatively certain it’d #burn on its own without much help

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10/7 Ive the same opinion of blacks saying Nigga & special needs kids who act out: theyre retarded-its all they have-why take it away?

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10/4 @USPS:see carriers deliver mail today, it’s a reminder that we are open because we receive no tax $ Judging by speed youre paid hourly

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10/4 Can I burn down your house?

No

Just the 2nd floor?

No Garage?

No

Lets talk about what I can burn

No

YOURE NOT COMPROMISING!

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9/25 Sweety, its not that you’re #dumb per se-its that as far as #people go, youre a #puppy. Stop trying to “make it” in the #business world

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9/10 Anyone who says “all people are created equal” has never worked with the public

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9/9 #women– y’all do realize we can still tell if you’re fat when the picture is taken from above, right? Yes, even in low lighting..

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9/1 Gameshow idea:audio clips of Japanese #porn & #Japanese women watching #puppies being slaughtered-we have to figure out which is which

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8/15 Remember guys- when looking for a girlfriend, the “Freshmen 15” doesn’t necessarily stop at 9th grade. #what?

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8/3 When I say #VodkaTonic– I only say that because asking for vodka straight is more expensive. If I wanted ice I’d board the #titanic.

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8/3 I sincerely hope whomever came up with the @webuyanycar commercial/jingle dies of polio.

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7/26 New @RightGuardUS product gives 72 hours of protection… WHY IS ANYONE GOING THAT LONG BETWEEN CLEANINGS?!?

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7/25 Man arrested for plotting to kill @NancyGraceHLN people shouldnt kill people-but theyre going to anyway& I dont see why it cant be her

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7/16 Now that “Let me see you Wop” is so popular on vine, I can finally drop that song I’ve been holding onto for so long- “get out here ni

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7/13 So nice of #angelacorey to interrupt her normally busy schedule of spraying fairies outside of Davie Bowies #Labyrinth

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7/13 In 2013 a #black guy can make a song that screams Wop 147 times? Listen for @taylorswift13 new hit “Niggardly doesnt mean that, Sambo”

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7/12 #whitepeople it’s REALLY hard to defend you when you tuck t-shirts into #basketball shorts…

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7/1 That’s the type of guy that’ll #fingerpop you with his pinky #finger so you don’t notice the #Smurf #dick at the main event.

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6/22 I don’t know if Paula Deen was racist before she was fired, but she probably is now

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6/17 What kind of person I am: I saw a billboard that said #StopChildAbuse. In my head I heard the #MortalKombat “FINISH HIM!!!”

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6/13 Hashtagging #thickisbeautiful doesn’t convince anyone that it actually is.

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5/30 yeah, but some bitches respect themselves WAY too much.

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5/17 #feminists would get taken way more seriously if they weren’t so #cunty

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5/9 I understand why #rain freaks out people from #NewJersey – it’s very similar to a shower, and thereby unfamiliar

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5/9 Does #NewJersey actually have a “Helen Keller Memorial Highway” or is it just “every road” to the residents?

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5/9 Dear #NewJersey, why does your tap water smell like burning electrical wires? Please respond, time is a factor.

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5/3 Just as long as they’re willing to degrade themselves for my entertainment, I don’t really care what their motivations are.

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4/26 Read a #fark article discussion that included the term “Poonfuzz Pattern”. Now my new favorite term. #PoonfuzzPattern

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4/16 If you strapped a #crayola to my flaccid penis, I could produce a more recognizable, #composite sketch than what the news just showed

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4/9 Dude is 350lb 6′ Girl is maybe 5’5″ 120-hes giving her workout tips…I could fuck his back if hed push his shoulder titties together

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3/27 Hey #cutters – know what hurts worse than #cutting? Going to the #gym 2x a day-see if that matches that internal #pain of yours. #bitch

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3/22 Jackson #Pollock : That’s not art, that’s a menstrual sneeze over linoleum.

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3/14 Based on what I can only assume is a lying nazi-sympathizer of a treadmill computer: 12 miles burns the calories of 1 cool ranch taco.

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3/10 If you google “how many calories in a bottle of wine” You’re probably missing the point of counting calories.

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3/9 Judging by the gut pouches on the majority of women of #Delaware I can only assume we’re decedents of ancient marsupials, not apes.

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3/2 I have coined the phrase “Sea-Mexican”. Feel free to use for all your Cuban, Puerto Rican, Dominican needs!

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2/24 New #porn idea- Religious friendly porn: its all missionary, #amateurs, ALWAYS ends in #creampie – DAMMIT I need a backer!!

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2/17 Dresses were prolly invented for bitches to air out their cooze, right?

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2/14 It’s a recession, ladies. Appreciate the fact he clipped his nails first. #Valentines

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2/14 Creative People develop content to distract you from being creative too. Its our way of eliminating the competition before it starts.

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2/11 Don’t worry, duct tape is stronger than she is.

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2/10 I dont necessarily want Denis Leary dead-but could he just not be on TV, movies, albums, print media, or advertising of any kind?

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1/16 I don’t blame #NancyGrace for being an inhuman ghoul, after Frodo chucked the ring in Mount Doom she couldnt stay a Ring Wraith forever

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1/13 “LIfe is an endless collection of people hurting you, followed by someone else outdoing them”

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1/6 How fortuitous to live in a time where disease risks are obesity, addiction, antipathy, & deviancy; instead of cholera, malaria, plague

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1/5 “Wooder” (rather than water) isnt a cute local accent that adds flair-Its a speech impediment-stop languishing in inability

Top Tweets of 2012

Every year- I kick off the New Year by recapping my favorite tweets of me from the previous.  To start the vitriol off right- here’s my favorite tweets of 2012! (Sometimes it’s acceptable to be playing to only yourself).
Funny, Sad, Sadly Funny: Most weren’t posted for shock value! Enjoy!

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12/10 In a shock to no one, today I learned the author of 50 Shades of Grey is a giant disgusting beast no one would want to fuck anyway

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12/3 #cutters-you really want to make the physical pain match the emotional? Start taking out chunks of meat-those little slits are weak

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11/28 There really are people that love the holidays-giftgiving, fruit cakes, Christmas trees&Christmas music. Theyre called “Fucking Twats”

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11/26 #learned, there is such a thing as #bbw #erotic novels. Also took the time to figure out buying 30 of them =the same $$ as a Treadmill

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11/22 “Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck” -sister

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11/18 Born in the 80’s- When did you realize you were out of touch with music? For me, it was when I saw a “Skrillex-Discography” torrent

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11/9 during the #facial anyone inexorably stuck on staring the girls fillings while her mouth is open like the #colgate fliptop head guy?

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11/6 Today I voted . . . . . . . . . . . To cut that damn tree down out back, and not take part in that stupid racist puppetshow

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11/4 #SilenceOfTheLambs Directors Cut: in which we learn Multiple Miggs was a great #Monistat sales rep before his unfortunate incarceration

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10/30 The News is interviewing the most disgusting white trash in Elkton- which is noteworthy, it’s like finding the wettest dolphin.

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10/25 “I love to enjoy life” … Oh fuck you.

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10/17 Is there anything more satisfying, as a man, than knowing: if shit gets real we can use pee as a long range weapon #RonPaul

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10/16 The Cure music playing over 70’s bestiality footage is way creepier than you’d think it would be. #RonPaul

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10/14 Because I take Cialis recreationally, I now have an aggressive erection at the grocery store. Please RT. #RonPaul

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10/12 Whenever I see a pregnant woman I’m amazed at the quality of thing men will fuck

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10/5 Abortion Whisks with straw siphons on the handles are likely inappropriate and won’t do well in the open market.

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10/4 How long before porno involves cutting each other open?

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10/3 Is fucking a fat bitch in the ass like banging a slut in the hooch? Lots of miles on that road, yknow?

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10/1 The sad truth about women, no matter how beautiful they are, how magic they seem- they all smell funny when you cut them in half.

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10/1 Hey fatso- if you’re not going to work out, at least die so your pallbearers can.

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9/27 I treat my porno like Pokemon -“I choose you, double anal whore!” *click*

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9/20 Viagra Commercial”Ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex” If its not, your skulls crackly enough for a bullet-(double) tap out now

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9/18 I’m not crazy, 90% of women in commercials are abusive, self absorbed cunt’s right?

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9/9 Did they pick the name “American Pickers” cause “2 Homos- 1 Van” didn’t test well with the Midwest?

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8/22 Nice tits, dude. Now squish em together, I’ma fuck ’em to show dominance

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8/22 possibly a forced update. Did it do anything or did it just look at you? Were you sober? Where was the cat?

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8/21 I get it youre a tard wrangler, awesome, do you HAVE to bring 14 into the grocery store at once?!They just eat gum and pennies anyway

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8/17 Porn advert proclaiming “creamy little pussy” ……ew. Not the condition I’d like to receive it.

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8/10 Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Give me my shit, Whore.

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8/4 My favorite part is when I say “Sorry for your wait” And the other person doesn’t know I’m saying “sorry for your weight”

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8/1 I really enjoy the first 30-40 min after I wake up. It’s pretty much the only time I don’t feel nauseous

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7/31 “The way to a mans heart is through his stomach” Speaking as a man-I suggest trying the dick. Much quicker & no need to do dishes after

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7/20 Tighter gun laws could stopped Colorado shooting. Oh btw-shooting people in a theater? That’s illegal-all sorts of laws against that…

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7/20 Gunman kills 14 in Aurora CO movie theatre including a 1yo child. OUTRAGED! Who the FUCK has a 1yo in a midnight showing of Batman?!

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7/18 YOU’RE AN ADULT IN PUBLIC!!! THAT FUCKING SHOWER CAP LOOKS RIDICULOUS!!!

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6/24 Really proud of the little slug-bodied girl at the gym finally losing some weight! Do work sweety! (no, still no dick for you…)

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6/17 China launches first female astronaut into space bbc.in/NvRvJq -knowing China this was probably done by catapult

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6/1 Waste not, Want not-sadly for the planet my balls are clipped and I have money so fuck recycling.

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5/24 Maybe erectile dysfunction isn’t a medical condition, just maybe old women are fucking gross.

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5/23 When I see a man with long fingernails, it says to me “I don’t often finger-pop ladies with their consent”

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5/9 “I’m going to masturbate now…you don’t -have- to go, but it’s recommended”

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5/5 Cuddle means Fist, right? When they ask to cuddle it means they wanted to be fisted? I’m sure of it…

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4/18 Said to me today, honestly and without sarcasm- “Your sociopathy is so endearing”

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4/14 War-death-famine-AIDS-and Jonas Bros exist so I can wish them upon the piece of shit that buys coffee at a Wawa at 8am with $100 bill

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4/12 but do the eyes open? If I’m face fucking a muppet- Id like it to stare at me, with shame and confusion

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4/8 Mom:”You used to love Hawaiian Punch!” “Yeah, but then I had Gin, now Hawaiian punch doesn’t impress me much”

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4/7 “Hell hath no fury like a woman whose scorn you pay attention to”

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4/6: Kid blowing out candle : Family : first steps : dildo buried to the handle : grandparents : kids playing : bathroom mirror/thumb in ass

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4/2 How do rapists keep a hard on AND fight someone?

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3/31 A scrotum is by far the most complicated thing on this planet, and I’ve shaved a bunch of stuff.

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3/28 Some people use big words to sound smart-Some use them because they know the correct word to convey their point-regardless of size

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3/19: Blessed are the fat people: for they will only have sex in cold rooms at low altitude

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3/16: Turns out- Stupid does hurt, sadly it hurts the people faced with it, rather than those afflicted by it

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3/13 So amazing- women are stunning creatures of beauty, art, and magic……until they start moving around and talking

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3/9: There are atrocities happening in Africa?! Well, lets take care of that so it can return to the fair, peaceful, modern society we knew

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2/23: Soft core rape…

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2/21: if there are really ghosts… does that mean that deaths before 1950 still recognize segregation?

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2/21: I dont own a giant black dildo, but whenever my Mom comes to my house, Im positive Im going to forget to put away my giant black dildo

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2/21: When making any relationship decision- it should be made within 15 minutes after ejaculation

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2/17: “Oral Creampie” ? isn’t that just a cumshot? or a good girl thats getting some new jewelry? (tomato-tomatoe)

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2/16: Whenever I hear of a prison fire with a high fatality count I think “HOW HORRIBLE! Those poor people will have to build a new prison”

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2/11 [Re death of Whitney Houston]: What I can tell you about cocaine addiction: She died with a surprisingly dry vagina. G’night!

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2/2- “You’re from Delaware?! There’s a city there, right?” “…at least one, yes”

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1/3: I thought “womens humor” was their driving, problem solving, coordination & logic. That’s the part I think is funny.

Wonder Woman

It snowed horribly today- so bad I had to postpone my 7 hour trip to Rochester. But, in that- I decided to walk over to my local steakhouse/bar and have dinner alone.  Its a favorite pastime – the ribs and steaks are good, and I enjoy tipping high, if only for the reactions I imagine rather than what probably happens in real life.

During my meal, I stumbled upon a Tweet from PostSecret, that was seeking to start a petition to get Wonder Woman her own film; as she’d only be a small part in Batman Vs Superman.  In response to the tweet, I saw a tweet (from a woman) that read as follows [with original Post Secret tweet- identities not masked to protect the innocent.]:

Screen Shot 2013-12-08 at 5.41.26 PM

Now- precursor, I’m not saying my response was

  • the right thing to do
  • funny
  • nice
  • necessary

Screen Shot 2013-12-08 at 5.41.48 PM

BUT- here’s the cause- and its anything but internet “trolling”.

Mysogonist?  Maybe at face value.  But here’s the deal: if they put Wonder Woman in a full body suit, or trench coach (or jeans and a T-Shirt) it wouldn’t be Wonder Woman.  Here’s the risk- piss off Feminists (notoriously haters of “fun” and not known for their spending), or piss off their entire client base they’ve been playing to for the last 72 years.  Even with that said- Wonder Woman, in all her one-piece bathing-suit glory, has never been demonstrated as a sexual object.  This isn’t a causality of sexuality in Comics either- Razor, Witchblade, Gen 13, the God Damn Bondage Fairies!– sexualizing female characters has NEVER been taboo- it was just never a condition of Wonder Woman.

Beyond that- Wonder Woman is an Amazonian Princess… nary a’ once have I see Princess Diana “tee hee” her way onto the panel.

Lastly- Wonder Woman is an Amazonian Princess.  They weren’t known for their modest clothing-wiki it.. this is the representations of Amazonian Princesses:

400px-0_Amazzone_ferita_-_Musei_Capitolini_(1) 419px-Amazon_preparing_for_the_battle_(Queen_Antiope_or_Armed_Venus)_-_Pierre-Eugene-Emile_Hebert_1860_-_NG_of_Arts_Wash_DC_rotated_and_cropped

Not exactly NBC/ABC/Fox friendly…

Wonder Woman isn’t the hill to die on.  Beyond that- its silly to think Batman VS Superman isn’t positioned to build up the Justice League- we don’t need an enclave of women fighting for the opportunity, its coming (and it won’t make as much as Dark Knight Rises…), just because we feel slighted, doesn’t mean we need to make everything about gay, lesbian, female, etc rights opportunities. Just like everything else- if you don’t like its representation: Vote.  Get involved, or don’t consume.

Oh.. and as an after thought- Wonder Woman has a magical sword.  Even Superman is weak to it.

wwkc2

Also- @EdenVBailey was a good sport about it, favorited my tweet, and I appreciate it 🙂  Not everyone is out for blood, and not everyone needs to be the victim.  Follow her, she rules.